A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
