I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
