Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize