So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
