I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
