I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
