he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
