and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Shame - the story of my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
