I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
