carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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