But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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