Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
two words...techno handjob
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
