k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
