I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
