dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize