You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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