i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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