If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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