Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
