note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
