i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
