I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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