I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
