She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
