Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
