I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
