I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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