Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
