"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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