I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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