she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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