I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
