If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
