I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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