It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
