none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
