So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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