Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
