She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
