Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they need to just BURY HIM!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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