maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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