Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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