New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Send help, water and tortillas.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
