He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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