i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
