can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
