Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize