Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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