you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
