Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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