Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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