Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
