tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
