so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
