Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
