chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
