Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
