she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
