you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
