____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
