Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
