Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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