there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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