honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
