i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
