she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
