Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
