my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
