woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
